Get all the facts
How do you keep from changing your tune with your kids? They ask something, and you say no. Then they come back with more information and another appeal. Given the new information, you change your mind. The child learns that they can change your mind by argumentation. How do you prevent a pattern from developing of answer and argumentation?
The folks at Parenting is Heart Work had a great suggestion: Get all the facts before making a decision, and then let the decision stand. Set the precedent with your kids that when they make a request, they need to offer you all the pertinent information BEFORE you make a decision. If they provide more information to try to change your mind after you have decided (unless the circumstances are unusual) you let your decision stand so that the child learns that there is a genuine dialogue between parent and child about the decision to be made, and that having all the information up front is important. It also reaffirms that your word is firm, and arguing after a decision has been made is unacceptable.
I thought this was an excellent idea, and a great way to both establish authority AND encourage persuasion and dialogue.
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2 comments:
This is much needed advice for me! My teenage daughter is so used to arguing (in a respectful way, but it's still arguing) she doesn't even realize she's doing it most of the time. I can see I've trained her to argue by making my decisions before having all the facts and then changing my mind. I look forward to putting this little bit of advice into practice! Thanks.
I'm glad to pass on what I receive!
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