We found more flowers!

I'm a flower lover

Spring is here!

The blessedness of the humble

This [the Gospel] is despised as a weak and foolish thing by those who are wise and strong in themselves; yet this is the grace which heals the weak, who do not proudly boast a blessedness of their own, but rather humbly acknowledge their real misery. (Augustine City of God p335)

If we would truly call our children to Christ through the Gospel, we must be faithful to the message of the Gospel: that this good news is for the humble, but not for the proud. It is for the miserable, not for those who feign happiness. It is for the self-despairing, not the self-confident.

In a day when self-esteem and self-confidence are hailed as great virtues rather than grave evils, the Gospel appears as foolishness - and it is. "[I]t pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe" (1 Corinthians 1:21). If we love our children, we will announce, in word and life, that we find rest and joy and peace in being nothing, and God being everything.

Eric Liddell and the Sabbath

Some years ago I read a book called A Boy's War by David Michell, who was a young boy in a Japanese prison camp in China during the Second World War. His school was imprisoned in the same camp where Eric Liddell was held, and later died just months before liberation.

Eric Liddell is the man on whom the movie Chariots of Fire is based. He refused to run the 1924 Olympic qualifying heats for the 200 meters because they were held on a Sunday. Instead, he ran the 400, a race for which he hadn't trained. He won the gold medal in the 400, and set a new world record. Shortly thereafter, he departed for China, saying that he was "Going abroad to endeavor to do his part to unify the countries of the world under Christ."

Michell recounted something that truly impressed me regarding Eric Liddell:

"Strong as he was in his conviction about Sunday not being a day for sports, he even agreed to referee the games of some of the children whose parents let them play on Sundays, when he found them fighting over the game." (A Boy's War 116)

This man who would not compete in the Olympics on a Sunday for himself was willing to referee games for children in a prison camp on Sundays! He understood that the Son of Man is the Lord of the Sabbath, and therefore trusted Christ both by refraining from running in the trials for the 200, and in refereeing games for children on a Sunday.

O how I want our children to grow up with heroes like this, who live according to God, and not according to their own wills! I remember being inspired throughout my childhood years by the missionary biographies that my parents read to me. They became my heroes, of whom the world was not worthy.

Giant Sticker Activity Workbook

This sticker book is Elisabeth's favorite activity right now. It has over 600 reusable stickers with glossy pages. The book covers numbers, letters, colors, animals, vehicles, and even has some dot-to-dot pages. About 400 of the stickers have a "home" on one of the glossy pages, so each sticker is an occasion to hunt through the book for the appropriate color, letter, number, etc.

At first, Elisabeth was just fascinated by the sheer number of stickers, but within a week or so she learned to take out one sticker and search for the place where it belongs. We have spent hours on buses and trains doing it together, and she happily does it by herself on the couch or in the stroller. I highly recommend this book for this stage of development!

Look, Ma, no hands!

Today Elisabeth and I played soccer in the park. For the first time, she played the entire time without touching the ball with her hands! Not surprisingly, her trapping and kicking skills improved tremendously just in the time that we spent today.

Brownies

My wife has long contended that brownies made from scratch just can't contend with the mixes that come in a box. Yet when the latest Every Day Food arrived, she was excited by the whole section on brownies.

So I decided to try my hand at making brownies from scratch. It was not as hard as I had expected, and the brownies were good: better than the average brownie mix, but not as good as a Ghirardelli mix. So if you're up for a brownie experiment, this is a great place to start.

Asparagus, snap pea & avocado pasta

We recently went through a season of eating meat-less, and realized quickly that we didn't have that many go-to vegetarian recipes. One of the ones that we discovered (and have repeated) is asparagus, snap pea & avocado pasta from Every Day Food.

It is quick, easy, healthy and tasty!

I need a 'break'!

This past week, Elisabeth threw something across the room. I asked her to pick it up and bring it to me so that I could put it away because we don't throw things. She started crying because she didn't want to part with the bracelet she had thrown. She looked at me and said,

"I need a break."

I was amazed at how she had internalized the concept of a break. She understood that when her emotions overwhelmed her, that a break is the place where she can quietly collect herself before we talk about the episode. What a joy to see that she is understanding it as helpful and restorative, and not punitive!

Smelling the flowers

This one was taken on the same trip to the gardens as the last one . . . but there will be many more trips now that the tulips are opening up!

Inordinate love

Consequently he who inordinately loves the good which any nature possesses, even though he obtain it, himself becomes evil in the good, and wretched because deprived of a greater good. (Augustine City of God p388)

Loving the good things that God has created is not evil. Loving them more than Him who is truly lovely is both evil and wretched. This is the key that unlocks the joy of the saints, and exposes the misery of sinners. The great commandment is to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength; He is to be our supreme love. When He is, and our love of other good things are rightly ordered under Him, we enjoy the life for which He created us.

I'm convinced that this explanation of the biblical teaching on love can help children understand how to love good things in God's world in the way that He has designed for us to love them. Even a young child can see that it is good to love a pet, and good to love one's parents. But if you love your pet more than your parents, something is wrong and you can properly enjoy either. So it is that if we love anything inordinately (including anything more than God) we become "evil in the good, and wretched because deprived of a greater good."

Tulips are starting to bloom!

Television and Alcohol

Recently I posted on our decision not to have a television. Afterward, I thought it might be important to clarify: I don't think that our decision is the only right one. In fact, I think that the clearest way I can explain our decision may be by comparing it to John Piper's attitude toward alcohol. He is a teetotaler, and commends teetotaling. Yet when he became the pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church, he argued against the church's constitution, which required members to be teetotalers. He said,

I want to hate what God hates and love what God loves. And this I know beyond the shadow of a doubt: God hates legalism as much as he hates alcoholism. If any of you still wonders why I go on supporting this amendment [removing the requirement that church members be teetotalers], after hearing all the tragic stories about lives ruined through alcohol, the reason is that when I go home at night and close my eyes and let eternity rise in my mind I see ten million more people in hell because of legalism than because of alcoholism. (Source)

I take much the same approach to television. We have chosen not to have one, for what I believe are good reasons. Yet I am unwilling to make it a rule for all precisely because it would go beyond Scripture.

Moreover, I want Elisabeth (and any other children God gives us) to see this in practice throughout her formative years: that as parents we make decisions for our family through faith and wisdom on "disputable matters." The fact that they are disputable doesn't mean that we are not convinced in our own minds. On the contrary:

1. There are a host of things on which we must make judgments.
2. We can gladly embrace those who make other judgments consistent with the Gospel.
3. We can learn from those who make other judgments without denying the integrity of our own position, or dismissing them out of hand.
4. We diligently guard against casting judgments on disputable matters as being central to faith.
5. The Gospel defines the criteria of our judgments, and our evaluation of those who judge differently.
   

I think that this is how children learn to be truly catholic in the faith, while remaining faithful - both of which are desperately needed in our time. [Ian Murray offers an outstanding treatment on true Christian catholicity here in the life of George Whitefield.]

(HT: Justin Taylor)

Getting Dirty

I'm an avid playground observer. I am convinced that there is much to learn about parenting from watching others - both the parents and the kids.

I realized that again yesterday watching a friend of ours with her kids. Every time they're in the park together, she's playing with her children. She doesn't simply stand on the side and watch while they do their thing. She sits with them in the sandbox and builds castles (despite the fact that all the other adults are clustered around the edge of the sandbox). When her son is climbing on the jungle gym, she is just as likely to be chasing him through the apparatus as paying attention from ground level.

As I watched, I couldn't help but look forward to the kind of relationships that this Mom will have with her kids when they're teenagers. Her kids will know that she loves being with them, and doing things with them - and that she's willing to go outside the bounds of what other parents do in order to strengthen those relationships with her kids.

My onclusion: Getting dirty is well worth it.

Penny in the Bjorn

What do we offer God?

We must believe, then, that God has no need, not only of cattle, or any other earthly and material thing, but even of man's righteousness, and that whatever right worship is paid to God profits not Him, but man. For no man would say he did a benefit to a fountain by drinking, or to the light by seeing. (Augustine City of God p308)

This is the classical, Biblical understanding (and experience) of the self-sufficiency of God. Yet it is frequently denied in the lyrics of current worship tunes, which suggest that we offer God in our worship something that He needs, or otherwise cannot get. For that reason, it is incumbent upon parents to make these things plain to their children through metaphors like Augustine's in order that children would come to God has He has ordained: not to offer Him something He needs through our worship, but to drink deeply from the fountain, and thereby glorify the fountain.

The beauty of the universe

"For as the beauty of a picture is increased by well-managed shadows, so, to the eye that has skill to discern it, the universe is beautified even by sinners, though, considered by themselves, their deformity is a sad blemish" (Augustine City of God p367).

Augustine captures beautifully the wisdom of God in showing His beauty even through the sinfulness of humanity. He offers a perspective that children must be taught to see and appreciate. This understanding of beauty and wisdom explains why great, and not trite, literature grips our hearts - not only because we see the light, but that we see it more clearly in contrast to the shadows. Indeed, I think that the way a child will most readily recognize this at a deeply personal level is through great literature.

If, by grace, a child can see this truth early, she will scorn one-dimensional media (literature, poetry, film, etc.), preferring rather that which shows the wisdom and glory of God in permitting the shadows, and not frivolously questioning his goodness in doing so.

Friends

Not only is it great to have friends; it is great to reach the age where you begin to appreciate having friends.

One man's trash . . .

As we were walking home one day this week, I saw an adjustable child chair on the garbage. We picked it up, cleaned it up, and Elisabeth has a new chair that is ideal. It is not a high chair ("High chairs are for babies!") but it sits higher than an ordinary chair and has a footrest so that she can sit up at the table. What a perfect transition chair!

Now I think I'm done with sleeping

This morning Elisabeth greeted mommy with these words:

Mommy, now I think I'm done with sleeping, and it's time for you to cuddle me.

The Boy, The Bear, The Baron, The Bard

In general I'm a tough critic of wordless books. So The Boy, The Bear, The Baron, The Bard stands out against the mass of mediocre books as one with a clever plot, well-told through illustration. Elisabeth loves it, and since we have had it from the library, takes it out of the book basket to read on most days.

[One of the reasons that I snapped this picture was my sheer delight that when I have to do the dishes, Elisabeth can pull out a book and quietly enjoy it while I finish what needs to be done. What a blessing!]

A soft tongue

"With patience a ruler may be persuaded,
and a soft tongue will break a bone." (Proverbs 25:15)

O what a joy it is to teach our children persuasion! I am convinced that persuasion is taught explicitly and implicitly, by instruction and by example. Actively teaching persuasion guards children from becoming manipulative, annoying or downtrodden by showing them how to press a case with reasonable and gentle argumentation. Perhaps most importantly in teaching persuasion, a child just learn to discern when to press, and when to let off - in order to make their case most compellingly.

How to explicitly teach persuasion
Any time a child makes a request (which with Elisabeth is dozens of times a day) is an opportunity to teach persuasion. Debriefing the request (briefly) and insisting upon proper form communicate clearly what the parent both desires, and expects:
1. State the request clearly.
2. Provide reason(s) for the request.
3. Use a respectful tone of voice.
4. Make the request at a proper time and for an appropriate time: (a) when you have complied with whatever was asked of you; (b) when the parent has time/ability to grant the request.
5. Don't repeat yourself.
6. Listen for the other person's reason for accepting or declining your request, so next time you know how to frame your persuasion.
For example, if Elisabeth asks to do painting while we are eating lunch, we could very quickly debrief like this. "Thank you, sweetie, for clearly and respectfully asking to paint without badgering me. Right now we're eating lunch, so when would be a good time to paint?" Through that little interchange, Elisabeth is clearly hearing what I expect so next time she can repeat all the parts she did well AND specify the time that she wants to paint. If Elisabeth doesn't speak respectfully, or makes a request while delaying in obedience (i.e. disobeying), I clearly tell her that I cannot grant her request and explain why: "You used a whiny voice," or "You didn't start putting the toys away when I asked you to." If parents and caregivers are consistent in requiring proper request, kids learn remarkably quickly the protocols of persuasion.

How to implicitly teach persuasion
Modeling this kind of persuasion with other adults and with children is just as important as teaching the elements of a persuasive request. On a daily basis Elisabeth observes my interactions with other people, and can see to what degree I practice what I preach - and she'll learn by experience that "With patience a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue breaks a bone."

How important is environment?

As a Christian parent, I feel the great danger of thinking that creating the right environment for my child(ren) will cause them to persevere in the Christian life. I don't think that I am alone. There are many Christian parents who, thoughtfully or thoughtlessly, assume that their ability to form and develop their children in the Christian faith will determine their children's endurance.

So, how important is environment?
Environment is very important to the nurture of a child. A child who grows up in a family where the parents trust Christ with their lives, and make decisions based on the values of the Kingdom and the leading of the Holy Spirit are vastly better off than children whose parents make professions of faith, but in their lifestyles and choices are identical to their non-Christian neighbors. They are also vastly better off than children who know little or nothing of Christ. To grow up in a truly Christian home is a great privilege.

Is family nurture the deciding factor?
Is a good Christian family environment a sufficient condition to ensure that children persevere in trusting Christ? To affirm that it is sufficient would be bold-faced Pelagianism. Any theology of parenting founded on the Gospel must affirm that the Holy Spirit can and does use wise parenting in the conversion and maturing of children. Yet it must also affirm that the Holy Spirit is free and sovereign and is under no constraint to save anyone based on our performances. Our faithfulness does not necessitate His saving action in our children. Christian nurture in the home is vitally important, but is not decisive.

Doesn't that put parents in a hopeless condition?
Yes, in one sense it does. It is not within our power to create the conditions that guarantee our children will be saved. We must hear and believe that, if we are true to the Gospel. That very hopeless and helplessness is what pushes us to proper, and utter, dependence on Christ to save our children.

If we really believe that it is Christ who saves through the work of the Holy Spirit, and that the Holy Spirit delights to use that which honors the Son, then and only then will we be courageous in the kind of Christian parenting that trusts not in its own ability to parent, but in the power of Christ to work through us and in spite of us in the salvation of our children.

So where does it leave us?
Ultimately, a right view of the Gospel, and of Christ, presses us to faithfulness and prayer. We don't abandon faithfulness because it fails to guarantee our children's salvation. Rather we practice true faithfulness, in that we don't trust in the performance of these responsibilities, but in the One who graciously uses them in the salvation of people. The more clearly we see that, the more earnestly we will pray for Christ to act in saving our children, and in making us truly faithful to Him as parents.

A new camera

After three weeks wait for my camera to be cleaned, I received a call from the service company saying, "We're sorry that your camera could not be repaired. Please go to Best Buy, and they will issue you a replacement." You can imagine my puzzlement.

So I went to Best Buy and explained that I had sent my camera out for cleaning under the service contract, and had received this call, and didn't know what to do. They were just as baffled as I was, but didn't know what else to do but issue a new camera. So I have a new camera!

I knew that I liked Canon (having had 3 of them now), and was convinced that I didn't use the manual functions enough, or well enough, to justify getting another with all the manual settings. Three cameras had also taught me that camera size and shape do matter when everything going with you on an outing is going to be carried on your person. Lastly, I knew that an anti-reflective, scratch-resistant screen was a priority for me. Those criteria made the choice easy: Canon's SD750, their only slim camera with a scratch-resistant screen.

I took some snaps today, but Blogger's photo management is down right now, so pictures will start to appear again in the days to come!

Audio books

Elisabeth recently received Lilly's Big Day and other stories, an audio CD of 9 Kevin Henkes books. I am a huge fan of Kevin Henkes' mouse books - and these are nine of the best.

It has been a delightful surprise that Elisabeth has taken to listening to them as she goes to sleep. She knew all but one of the stories prior to hearing the CD, and so she enjoys listening to them each night - and we (usually) enjoy a peaceful transition from wakefulness to sleep.

Advertising: Pornography to the greedy soul

Shortly after Elisabeth was born, we decided to get rid of our television. One of the driving factors in that decision was exposure to advertising. I am convinced that advertising is to the greedy soul what pornography is to the lustful soul. It arouses and awakens inordinate desires.

Some good friends of ours limit the television that their children are allowed to watch. They related to us how after one half-hour show, their daughter came up to them saying, "I want this! I want that!" The advertisements sandwiched between the segments of the educational show had achieved their effect: she wanted the things they offered, and was ready to pester her parents for them.

Considering the way that my own soul responds to advertising, I don't think that this anecdote was an anomaly. Advertising appeals to our selfish nature just like pornography appeals to our lustful nature. It stirs up desire, while numbing us to it so that the deluge of it does not seem to be the flood that it really is.

Knowing that advertising acts on us in these ways is, I think, sufficient warrant for deliberately limiting our exposure to it, and being aware of our unavoidable encounters with it. Television is certainly not the only culprit. Magazines are packed with appeals to our greed, as are many websites. I think it is important to talk with kids about the way that advertising affects all of us, so that they can recognize when it affects them, and learn too to show self-control by imitating their parents, who have modeled that self-control and wisdom.

On the bicycle together

Today Elisabeth and I took a ride on my bicycle together for the first time this spring. On our trip, Elisabeth saw another cyclist without a child seat on his bike. She commented:

"There's another man on a bike. But he doesn't have a kid or a kid seat."
"You're right," I answered.
"Maybe he doesn't have a kid," she speculated.
"Maybe he doesn't."
"It's more fun to have a kid seat, because then we can talk to each other," she remarked.

I totally agree. Conversations on the bicycle are at least half the fun of riding.

The big bed

This picture was taken a year ago January and captures the transitions that have happened since then. At that time she was in the crib; she transitioned to the toddler bed that January; this week she has moved up to the loft bed, her "big bed." How quickly they grow!

Elisabeth's first musical composition

Elisabeth is not (yet) an overwhelmingly musical child. She enjoys music, but isn't one of those kids that frequently bursts into song (in tune) or sings her own songs.

So today was notable. To the best of my knowledge, today was her first original composition, to the tune of "I've been working on the railroad."

I don't want to wait for dinner!

I laughed and said that it expressed her disposition well. She quickly turned out a second line (also set to the first stanza of I've been working on the railroad):

I don't want to go to bed!

That's music from the heart!

Duties proportional to relief, not strength

The duties that God, in an ordinary way, requires at our hands are not proportioned to what strength we have in ourselves, but to what help and relief is laid up for us in Christ; and we are to address ourselves to the greatest performances with a settled persuasion that we have not ability for the least (John Owen Overcoming Sin and Temptation p154)

This is the kind of theology that must be taught from childhood. If a child understands early that what God requires from us is not proportionate to our strength, but to what is offered in Christ, then she will not try to do the duties in her own strength, but will learn to lean on Him for strength. How many children have been discouraged by Christian parents who never taught them this!

To teach our children this is to deny and refute the prevailing notions of our culture about self-esteem and self-confidence because we approach our greatest trials "with a settled persuasion that we have not ability for the least." Thus, we accept the Gospel as the starting place for parenting, rather than the prevailing (fickle) thought of our times.

[For the one who has read this far and says, "That's all well and good, but how do you communicate theology like this to a child?" your practical question is appropriate. I recite this truth to Elisabeth almost every time we have a discipline encounter because I strongly believe that this is the center of the Gospel, and why the Gospel defines how we ought to "do" parenting. After we have discussed the offense, she has admitted her fault, and we have talked about what to do differently next time, before we pray, I say it something like this, "Sweetie, neither of us can do what God tells us to do without His help. So now we're going to pray to ask for help for me to be a wise and loving Daddy, and for you to be an obedient and loving daughter." And then we do exactly that.]

We miss the sunshine

Our family enjoying sunshine in Atlanta. This is Elisabeth's first time on rollerskates.

Fathering like Job

At the beginning of the book of Job, the author provides a mere five verses of background on Job before presenting the other players in the plot, and commencing the storyline of the book. Job is described as "blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil . . ." (1:1). The only illustration that the author provides to show the uprightness of this man is his habit regarding the feasts that his sons held for all his children.

And when the days of the feast had run their course, Job would send and consecrate them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all. For Job said, “It may be that my children have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts.” Thus Job did continually. (1:5)

The trait that the Biblical author presents as outstanding concerning the man of whom the LORD says, "there is none like him on the earth" (1:8), is intercession for his children. Job was jealous that any sin that his children had committed - even in their hearts - should be atoned for. He didn't say, "They're grown up now, and responsible for themselves." Instead, he interceded for them, and, "This he did continually."

I want to learn to be a father like Job, with that kind of yearning for my children's sin to be forgiven. Whereas Job offered sacrifices and offerings for atonement, we have the privilege of asking that the atonement that Jesus worked on the cross be applied to our children - and not just for sins committed on the previous day, but for all of their sins.

Praying like this regularly cannot but incite us to pray for our children's conversion, in which there is forgiveness of sins. Yet it just as strongly calls us to pray for our children's perseverance, because we know personally the deceitfulness of sin.

I am coming to realize that this is why the Gospel remains central in parenting. It is not merely the means by which our children receive forgiveness (although it is not less than that); the Gospel is that by which they (and we!) receive forgiveness each time we sin against our holy God. Thus we have even more reason that Job to pray daily for our children, because we have confidence in better promises to be applied to our same needy condition (Hebrews 8:6).

O that God would make me a Job-like father!

Better than hidden love

Better is open rebuke
than hidden love.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend;
profuse are the kisses of an enemy. (Proverbs 27:5-6)

There are two levels at which Christian parents need to teach the role of rebuke to their children.

First, children must understand that rebuke from a parent is an expression of love, saving them from danger. Since discipline is naturally painful, it is the responsibility of parents to explicitly teach children the purpose of discipline: to train them in righteousness.

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:11)

Without this framework, a child will only understand rebuke and discipline as pain, shame and frustration. Within this framework, children will grow to respect their parents for rebuking and disciplining them (Hebrews 12:9).

Second, for children to develop healthy, authentic friendships, they must learn how to give appropriate rebuke, the kind of faithful wounds that friends give, - and how to spot the profuse kisses of an enemy. Judging by how rarely I see adults rebuke one another in ways that are gentle, loving and firm, I can only conclude that this is not a skill that comes naturally. Early childhood is the ideal time to actively teach appropriate rebuke. Children naturally come in conflict with other children and with adults; they will quite naturally employ whatever mechanism comes most readily to them, whether defensiveness, withdrawal, outbursts, name calling, or something else (quite like adults). These conflicts provide the occasion of teaching firm, gentle and kind rebuke.

For example, Elisabeth's natural response is tattling (in other words, immediately going to an authority figure). When we are on the playground, and another child snatches away one of her sand toys, her immediate reaction is to turn to me (and my natural tendency is to use my authority to resolve the situation, without teaching her). My responsibility as a parent is to teach Elisabeth to confront the child in a tone and manner that is kind and assertive. Intervening to resolve a conflict before she has appropriately confronted the other child does not, in the end, help. It merely short-circuits the learning process that ought to have happened.

I believe that perhaps the most important part of the learning process is debriefing, in which parent and child can talk about the confrontation. In the sandbox, I can say, "Well done," when she has spoken appropriately to the other child, and, "Thank you," to that child when he has come to an agreeable solution. The best debriefing (I have found) comes on the way home when I can ask the questions: "How did the boy respond to you when you asked him nicely to give your shovel back? Did you need to ask Daddy to help you? Why do you think he was ready to speak so nicely with you?" etc. These discussion are the place where the good habits of direct, calm and kind confrontation are developed and honed for next time.

All the while, Elisabeth is learning, by experience, that:

Whoever rebukes [another] will afterward find more favor
than he who flatters with his tongue. (Proverbs 28:23)

She found the brakes!

Today Elisabeth went bicycle riding for the first time this spring. She hadn't forgotten a thing over the winter, and has developed a lot more endurance. So today I tried to teach her how to use the brakes, which had been a lost cause on her in the fall when she was just getting the pedals going continuously in the right direction. To my surprise, she picked it up quickly (although I'm sure she'll need more practice to remember consistently) and used the brakes on almost all of the hills!

I'd post a picture . . . but I still don't have my camera back from Best Buy.

This looks like the old house

Yesterday Elisabeth and I went to help Pop-pop and Grandma move out of one house and into a new house. We took a train up to the old house, and I prepped Elisabeth by telling her that Grandma and Pop-pop were moving, and that we were going to help them.

Grandma picked us up at the train station and drove us to the old house where the move was already in process. Elisabeth and I went into a bedroom to take out the last few things from a closet. Elisabeth turned to me with a puzzled expression and said,

"This looks like the old house."

I guess that the absence of furniture made the house look different enough that it wasn't perfectly familiar - and so she thought that they were moving into a house very remarkably like the old one!

Excavating

Chatting with Anna Porter

I was full . . .

Not long ago during dinner, Elisabeth paused from eating her food and said:

"I was full, so I had to talk a little bit."

I really think that's the way it works in her mind: talking burns calories and makes room for more!

Cuddling with Granddaddy

Leek and potato galette

We tried out this recipe for Easter lunch, and it was excellent! I highly recommend it!

It takes a moderate amount of preparation time (which would be greatly reduced if you have a food processor to slice the potatoes), but is worth the effort.

Chocolate Ganache Tart

Rebecca made a superb chocolate ganache tart from Everyday Food this weekend.

It is certainly going to enter our regular rotation of fun desserts - and so it gets to appear here, so that I can remember it later when I'm stumped on what to make for a nice dessert.

(In the next few days, I'm going to post a lot of recipes that we have done in recent weeks, for next time we wonder what to make for dinner.)

Only one baby

On Easter Sunday, we had several guests join us for lunch after church, one of whom had not seen Elisabeth in a long time. Elisabeth and her friend Zoe were introduced to the guest this way, "Here are the two babies." Elisabeth quickly corrected the introduction:

"Only one baby!"

Reading with Grandmummy

Elisabeth had a wonderful visit from her grandparents (and uncle, and godparents), which made for a haitus in blogging, and a lot of fun for Elisabeth. So there will be many pictures, and posts, to follow . . .

Talk to him

Elisabeth had a play date at the playground last week. While she was playing in the sandbox with her friend, another child came up and started breaking down their sand castle. Elisabeth turned to me and said, "He's breaking our castle!" Before I replied, her friend's nanny said to Elisabeth, "Talk to him."

Elisabeth turned to the boy and said, "Don't do that. I don't like it when you do that." The boy looked surprised to have been addressed so directly and stopped.

Several more times during our time in the sandbox there were small conflicts that arose: a child would take away a shovel, or attempt to fill in their hole, or throw sand. Each time the nanny said to Elisabeth and her friend, "Talk to them."

In those encounters I saw how prone I am to mediate rather than teaching Elisabeth to solve problems by directly addressing her peers. The simple directive, "Talk to him," pushed Elisabeth to become a problem-solver rather than a problem-reporter. There was the distinct possibility that telling the other child that she did not appreciate what he was doing would not deter the other child; yet it remains the FIRST appropriate recourse for a child.

What a simple lesson I needed to re-learn!

Profile with starfish

Dying eggs with Grandma

Family Devotions

For some time now I have been thinking about family devotions. Our routine to this point has been to read Window on the World and The Big Picture Story Bible (and sometimes My First Book of Questions, depending on how tired she is) to Elisabeth at bedtime. It has been very valuable, and I think that all three books work well together.

My pondering has been when to make the transition from 'Bible before bed' to family devotions. When does it become a genuine family time of reading and prayer rather than a time targeted specifically for Elisabeth? My sense is that participating in family devotions is the context in which children see their parents model how to know and trust God.

Today in my devotions, I read Leviticus 6:1-7, and saw something that would give even a child as young as Elisabeth a glimpse of our need for forgiveness. The LORD is directing Moses in what to do when a person breaks faith with the Lord by deceiving, stealing, oppressing, or lying. Not only is the person required to restore whatever was stolen or defrauded with an additional 20% of the value "on the day that he realizes his guilt," but he must also bring a guilt offering to the LORD to make atonement for his sin, so that he may be forgiven. The text shows very clearly for a small child that merely restoring what is taken doesn't bring forgiveness. Restitution goes farther than the sin - and yet still there is need of atonement for forgiveness because sin is "breach of faith against the LORD." Texts like this push parents and children alike to the Cross - and I have yet to find a children's Bible that includes Leviticus 6 in its readings.

For those readers who have older, or grown, children: When did you make the transition to family devotions? How can we make the transition smooth?

The funny things she says

This past weekend, we had time in the mountains with Elisabeth's grandparents and aunt and uncle. Being in a new place, she wasn't keen on sleeping by herself. After I put her to bed, I went upstairs to see everyone else. She called out numerous times in a plaintive voice, "Daddy!" Since she was overtired, my encouragement to go to sleep fell on deaf ears. I decided to go down to help her calm down at the same time as he decided to come up the stairs to plead for company. She said through her sobs:

"I called you several times, and you didn't come!"

'Several' is a significant understatement.

I love you, but I don't love sleeping

Elisabeth has never been a sleeper. A few nights ago she captured it well as I was putting her to bed. She said,

"Dad, I love you, but I don't love sleeping."

The excellency of a believer

The difference between believers and unbelievers as to knowledge is not so much in the matter of their knowledge as in the manner of their knowing. Unbelievers, some of them, may know more and be able to say more of God, his perfections, and his will, than many believers; but they know nothing as they ought, nothing in a right manner, nothing spiritually and savingly, nothing with a holy, heavenly light. The excellency of a believer is, not that he has a large apprehension of things, but that what he does apprehend, which perhaps may be very little, he sees it in the light of the Spirit of God, in a saving, soul-transforming light; and this is that which gives us communion with God, and not prying thoughts or curious-raised notions. (John Owen Overcoming Sin and Temptation p117)

As I read John Owen, I cannot help but see the many implications for parenting. Both children and adults become proud of their knowledge, because "knowledge puffs up." So it is that unless deliberately checked by the Gospel, a child raised in a Christian home may very easily come to think of him or herself as better than others who do not know things about God, and so pray, "God, thank you that I am not like . . ." A child needs to hear early and often that:

"The excellency of a believer is, not that he [knows more than others], but that what he does apprehend . . . he sees . . . in light of the Spirit of God . . . which gives us communion with God."

This reminder of the Gospel keeps us humble, since we cannot boast of what we receive from the Spirit, and sets us after that which the Gospel procures: not mere knowledge about God, but communion with God.

The Break

In the past few weeks I have needed to repent of lax parenting. I slipped into the habit of repeating myself, which I think is a terrible habit. Elisabeth also had several melt-downs, prompting me to be more intentional about using the Break. I scoured the National Council for Biblical Parenting website to see if I could find their description of "the Break" to no avail. So I am going to post here extensive excerpts from Home Improvement by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller because I have found their "break" so useful.

Summary of a Break (p. 71)
1. Quickly begin the Break after misbehavior
2. Stay calm
3. State the offense and the directive
4. Choose an appropriate Break location
5. Ignore protests, excuses and tantrums
6. Don't take no for an answer
7. Don't talk to a child who is in a Break
8. Allow enough time for a Break

"A Break prepares a child to receive correction, understand the consequences of misbehavior, and be willing to change." (p. 62)

How to Use a Break
Quickly begin the break after misbehavior . . . remove the child from the situation or activity immediately following misbehavior. You might simply say, "Tyler, that was unkind. Take a Break in the doorway here, and come and see me when you're ready to talk about this," or, "Sara, that attitude is not helpful. You need to take a Break on that blue chair until you settle down and are ready to talk with me." [The point of the Break is for the child to be stationary and undistracted so she or he can think about the offense and adopt a repentant attitude before having a conversation with a parent about the offense.]

Stay Calm
A parent's emotions can turn a discipline time into a volatile argument. It's important for you to remain calm and matter of fact as you progress through the process. This allows the child to focus on the offense instead of on parental anger.

State the Offense and the Directive
Clarify for your child why he's taking a Break. For example, "Hitting is not the way to solve that problem. You need to take a Break. . . ."

Choose an appropriate Break location
The best location for a Break is a place away from any activity or stimulation. The bottom step, the hallway floor, or a chair in a quiet room might be appropriate. The actual place isn't as important as the time set aside to change the heart. Some parents send their children to their rooms. Although this may be helpful, for many children, going to their rooms is like a trip to an amusement park. Toys, computers or other activities easily distract children from the primary purpose of a Break. It's best to choose a boring place where a child can think and is then motivated to return to the parent. A Break place may change depending on your unique situation, but the concept remains the same: the child is sent on a mission to change his or her heart.

Ignore protests, excuses and tantrums
Some children resist taking a Break and taunt parents into a battle. An angry child wants company and pushes a parent's buttons to invite the parent into a fight. Refuse to join the anger party. Instead, ignore the tantrum and simply say, "We'll talk about it after you take a Break." Don't be distracted by excuses. Children often want to engage you in an argument. A discussion will happen at the end of the Break, but first the child must settle down, change the heart, and be ready to work with the parent.

Don't take 'No' for an answer
If a young child refuses to take a Break, pick him up, gently put him there and say, "You need to obey." You may even hold a child in your lap in the Break to teach this new routine. Simply say, "When you stop fighting me, I'll release my hold." When the child does settle down on your lap, then right away have him sit in the Break alone...

Don't talk to a child who is in a break
When a child returns from the Break you'll have a dialogue about the problem and a different solution. But while the child is in the Break, don't get sucked into a dialogue. The child's mission in the Break is to change the heart.

Allow enough time for a break
The child is told to come back when . . . calm and ready to talk about the problem. A Break allows the child, under the parent's guidance, to determine when to come back. The length of time a child chooses to stay in a Break is flexible, relating to his or her needs. The only prerequisite for coming out of the Break is that the child is willing to work through the repentance process. He or she may be ready to change but not know what right behavior to do next time . . . repentance is a condition of the heart. Once the child has begun this change, the parent can help the child learn what was wrong and recognize a more appropriate response.

Young children or those just learning how to take a Break may find it difficult to identify what they did wrong, why it was wrong or even how to think about the separation. Other children aren't even ready to think because they're too caught up in their emotions. In situations like these, the purpose of a Break is simply to allow the child to settle down and then return to the parent for a teaching time . . . because of stubbornness, a change of heart may take longer - twenty minutes or several hours. Either way, encourage the child to initiate the return.

It's important for the child to determine the length of time spent in a Break because it's hard for a parent to anticipate when a child is ready to return or when repentance has taken place . . . How will you know when to end a Break? Some children take longer to change their hearts than others. Sometimes children may only settle down while they are alone. Then they can come back and process other steps with the parent. Other times children . . . can make significant heart changes during a Break . . . Sometimes children return before they are ready, or defiantly move out of the places where they were told to sit. They just want to get out of the Break and regain their freedom. In this case, you may have to say, "No, I can tell you're not ready yet by your posture and attitude. It looks like you need to stay in the Break longer." Your responsibility is to teach your child to obey. You must "win" during these situations in order to make a Break an effective tool for discipline.

Remember the goal:
...Children who are upset may respond with a bad attitude when told to take a Break. Stomping feet and slamming doors on the way to a Break must be confronted. When the child returns from a Break, first deal with the initial offense . . . then give him or her another Break for the continuing bad attitude. You may something like, "I'm glad we worked out the problem with your fighting with your brother. I think you're ready to play with him nicely. But before you go, we must deal with another problem. I was disappointed that you had a bad attitude when I told you to take a Break. So I want you to take another Break because of that bad attitude. You don't have to stay there long, but I'd like you to show me that you can take a Break with a good attitude." Then have the child practice walking to the Break. When he or she returns, talk about the stomping and slamming and what a good response to correction looks like. (pgs. 62-67)

I love this method for a number of reasons:

1. It is disciplinary, not punitive.
2. It gives the child responsibility for changing attitude.
3. The child experiences separation as a result of disobedience (a great practical picture of how sin separates us from fellowship with God)
4. It allows the child time to repent.
5. It addresses the heart, and not merely the behavior.
6. It requires genuine two-way communication.
7. It does not accept the right words without the right attitude.
8. A teacher, nanny or babysitter can use it just as consistently as a parent.

However, I would classify the Turansky/Miller Break as consistent with "wise parenting" rather than Gospel parenting. I think that the discipline process is significantly enriched by impressing the truths of the Gospel in each Break:

• Sin is not just against people but against God.
• Sin requires not only repentance but forgiveness.
• Jesus offers both forgiveness and power for repentance.
• We receive forgiveness and power by obeying and trusting Jesus.
  

I highly recommend this modified version of the Break. The discipline process and presentation of the truths of the Gospel naturally lead to prayer in each encounter because I need grace and wisdom to parent well, and Elisabeth needs grace to obey.