Perseverance

Two nights ago Elisabeth didn't want to finish her dinner. She had four bites remaining of scrambled eggs with peppers, and she was convinced that she wouldn't eat them. So when Rebecca and I were finished eating, we cleared the table and went to the kitchen to do the dishes while Elisabeth remained at the table to finish her dinner. Initially there were plaintive calls:

"I don't want to eat! I'm not going to finish!"

And then there was silence, from which I concluded that she'd probably realized that she'd better just finish up so that she could be excused from the table. That lasted for about 20 minutes, but all of her eggs remained on her plate.

Seeing that her cries and silence hadn't worked, Elisabeth tried getting out of her seat to plead with us to see things her way. It didn't work as she had planned: she was put back in her seat to finish her meal. Meanwhile we continued on with the rest of our evening routine, packing lunches for the morning, tidying up, and even sitting down to read.

I think the fact that life went on while she was supposed to be finishing her dinner made it even harder for Elisabeth, and after about an hour, she was reduced to tears. (I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. I don't think it was all drama she was putting on; I think some of it was real over-tiredness.) Finally, after over two hours of trying every evasion mechanism she knew, Elisabeth changed her mind. I had insisted not only that she eat the rest of her dinner, but that she do it on her own strength, as I don't believe that a 3 year old needs to be fed like a baby when she is disinclined to eat. Perhaps because her energy was spent, or perhaps because the eggs really were good, she fed herself the last four bites, and was at last excused from the table!

I think that I learned a couple of lessons from the encounter:

1. Perseverance. The price of not persevering is compromising my word.
2. Responsibility. This was not about food. (Four bites of egg isn't going to make or break my child.) It was about finishing a job that she had been given: in this case, eating delicious food. Consequently, feeding her (so she didn't have to do it) would not have accomplished the aim.
3. Reconciliation. It was stunning to me how Elisabeth's demeanor changed when she finished her food. For two hours she had been sulking, whining and otherwise trying to get out of eating her food. Yet when she finished, she intuitively knew that she was restored to the family. In her bedtime routine, there wasn't even a hint that she had spent the past two hours resisting obedience.

I hope that the next encounter doesn't take two hours - but even if it takes six, I'm convinced that every minute invested now pays great dividends down the road.

Climbing

Pretty in Pink

What does "pray" mean?

Today we had a picnic with one of Elisabeth's friends. I asked her if she wanted to pray before we ate, or if she wanted me to pray. Her little friend turned and asked me,

"What does pray mean?"

His question was a powerful reminder to me that our lives provoke questions, and I need to be prepared to answer those really good and sincere questions in a way a 3 year old can understand - and even more importantly to be able to turn focus from a religious activity that people of many faiths do to the good news of Christ.

Drawing stick figures

Elisabeth is just beginning to learn to draw stick figures. After drawing the hair on this one, she announced,

"It's a man!"

Dancing in the water

Not enough hours in the day

Elisabeth and I have been sick this week, and so have had a lot more time at home to read and enjoy books together. Yet, despite being home, it seems that I still can't find time to write anything. So when time appears, I have some fun pictures of Elisabeth, and reviews of some of the fun books I'd recommend from our time at home.

In the words of a city kid

This week we read a book (which I'll review soon) about an Amish family, that includes a section where the protagonist, a young girl, is learning to milk a cow. Elisabeth described her perception of that section of the book in these words:

"She squeezed the cow underneath, and the pee pee came out."

I explained to her that the girl was milking the cow, and that it was milk coming out, to which Elisabeth replied,

"Then they must have to clean it!"

I guess that's what it means to pasteurize and homogenize.

One way to get your hair wet

Sitting tall

Tomorrow

This week Elisabeth asked me,

"Is today tomorrow, or is it the next day?"

I'm sure that it was in reference to something of which I had said on the previous day, "We will do it tomorrow," but it made me smile how challenging that concept can be to express.

Shiver (noun)

So "burring" is a verb that means to shiver (in Elisabeth's vocabulary). However she uses "shiver" as a noun. Any guesses on what a 3 year old would call a "shiver"?

We've been busy

We have had a busy week (and someone is worn out!).

"I'm burring"

Elisabeth has frequently used the following expression:

"I'm burring."

Any guesses on what "burring" means?

Our expert captain

Drumming with Molly

Preparation for a good night's sleep

Ready, Set (Open)

Last night we went to an outdoor movie with friends while Elisabeth's Pop-pop put her to bed. When we arrived home, she was in bed and had been asleep for several hours. It was then that we heard her little voice say, "Ready, set . . ." Then her leg swung over the end of her toddler bed and pushed her bedroom door open - and we didn't hear another word.

I would love to know what was going on in her dream . . .

Why did you wake up?

Last night Elisabeth walked into our room in the middle of the night. After partially coming to my senses I got out of bed and walked her back to her room. She didn't seem upset or sad, so I asked her, "Why did you wake up?" She answered, "The tiger was growling." That was the most creative middle-of-the-night answer I had received. I tucked her in, and went back to bed. Later she returned to our room - again not upset, but clearly not asleep. Since we had gone to bed late, I figured I would get more sleep if I pulled the sleeping bag out on the floor next to her bed. We both went to sleep and slept through until the morning (and I didn't hear any more tigers).

This morning I thought I might get a clearer answer on why she had come into our room so many times in the night, so I asked again, "Why did you wake up?" I got the same answer I had received in the night: "The tiger was saying grrr."

I guess I should have listened when she answered my question the first time.

In the company of men

I picked up a book in our public library in hopes that I would learn a little bit more about Duke Ellington (since my African American history is abysmal). It didn't turn out to be much of a history source on Ellington, but it did provide significant insight into that era, through the eyes of a little girl, reflecting on her childhood among great jazz musicians:

i remember
i was there
i listened in the company of men . . .
children growing in the company of men
old southern men & young slick ones

It seems that one of the striking features of that time is that children grew up "in the company of men." For these historical insights, and the excellent illustrations, I recommend this book.

Can I help?

Elisabeth has long had a fear of loud noises - the coffee grinder, vacuum, etc. Over time she has become more and more comfortable with them such that she now grins while I grind coffee. However, this past week was the first time she had ever asked to use the vacuum. I'm more than happy for the help!

The privileges of primary care

On Saturday morning, Rebecca got up with Elisabeth and graciously allowed me to sleep in. Elisabeth was disobedient, and so Rebecca put her on a break. Elisabeth was not pleased. She complained:

"I don't like this! Only Daddy does discipline!"

One of the privileges of being the primary care provider for a child is being the primary disciplinarian - and having a reputation for it.

Fun on the web

The Roots of Endurance

When I as growing up, some of the most memorable books my parents read to me were missionary biographies. I remember some of them just as clearly as the great fiction works like the Chronicles of Narnia. Those memories convince me that I want to share the same sorts of treasures with our children.

The Roots of Endurance is a great example of one of the books that I want to read to Elisabeth when she is older (while I find more age appropriate literature until then). Not only does John Piper survey the lives of John Newton, Charles Simeon and William Wilberforce in a way that can capture the imagination of readers, he also interprets their lives in terms of what enabled them to endure through truly difficult circumstances. What could be better for children (or their parents!) than to read accounts of Christians who have found Christ faithful unto death - and learn how to endure in faith as they did? (This book is part of a series of mini-biographies that I highly recommend. They can also be viewed online for free, or you can listen to Piper presenting them at the Desiring God conferences.)

I'm a slow reader (hence the City of God took me over six months), but The Roots of Endurance took me only 4 days. It is a great way to meet the author of Amazing Grace, the man who fought for and finally achieved the abolition of slavery in Great Britain, and one whose influence reached far beyond Trinity Church, Cambridge, where he persevered for fifty-four years.

This is a great place for parents to start with missionary biographies!

Pattern Puzzle

I have purchased several puzzles from The Learning Journey for Elisabeth, and as gifts for friends. Recently I picked up their Patterns puzzle, aware that this was one area that Elisabeth wasn't picking up on very quickly. We started playing with it about a month ago, and she now clearly understands patterns. (That doesn't mean she always matches them immediately, but conceptually she understands what a repeating pattern is, and what the task is to complete a sequence.)

For anyone looking for developmentally appropriate toys for a 3 year old, this one is fantastic for learning patterns!

Kids, not sisters

For some time Elisabeth had an imaginary sister about whom she spoke. Now we rarely hear about her 'sister' but have begun hearing about her kids.

I think she fancies herself as the teacher of her kids. This morning she sat in her room with a book and read it aloud while holding it outward (like a teacher) toward her audiences of kids.

Thankfully, we have found a good piece of literature, Jessica, by Kevin Henkes, to creatively address imaginary friends.

Family Driven Faith

The mail just arrived and in it was Family Driven Faith by Voddie Baucham. I'm very excited to read it (and you will probably get quotes from it on this blog), as I have found Voddie to be one of the most articulate African American Christians on church, family and culture. (I first heard him speak on The Supremacy of Christ and Truth in a Postmodern World and was very impressed with his clarity of understanding and communication.)

If you're interested in a review, Ray Van Neste, the author of The Children's Hour has posted a good one.

Hanging around with Aidan

Confession without Controversy

John Newton was a man true to the doctrines of the Gospel. His belief that the Spirit is the teacher of divine truth led him to the following statement:

"I am a friend of peace; and being deeply convinced that no one can profitably understand the great truths and doctrines of the gospel any farther than he is taught of God, I have not a wish to obtrude my own tenets upon others, in a way of controversy; yet I do not thing myself bound to conceal them" (quoted in The Roots of Endurance p61).

We would do well to follow his example in confessing - not concealing - the great truths and doctrines of the Gospel not by way of controversy, but with the conviction that our confession is what the Holy Spirit can and does use to give life to the dead.

A more truly Christian understanding of the family

I have benefited tremendously from listening to John Piper's series on the family, in large part because he is so consistently faithful to the Gospel. He doesn't make the mistakes that most evangelicals make about the nature or priority of the family. In fact, the strength of the series is that he puts the family in its place - under the Gospel, and the Lordship of Christ. Consequently, he has profoundly helpful insights into:

• the role of marriage as a manifestation of the covenant love of God in Christ
• the blessedness of God's promises for singles
• the growth of the Kingdom through regeneration rather than procreation

Below are a few of the messages that I thought were most helpful, and here you can find the entire list.

Marriage: God’s Showcase of Covenant-Keeping Grace

Colossians 2:13-15, 3:12-19

February 11, 2007

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Excerpts: Listen | Watch

Single in Christ: A Name Better Than Sons and Daughters

Isaiah 56:1-7

April 29, 2007

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Marriage, Singleness, and the Christian Virtue of Hospitality

1 Peter 4:7-11

May 27, 2007

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Marriage Is Meant for Making Children...Disciples of Jesus

Ephesians 6:1-4

June 10, 2007

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Marriage Is Meant for Making Children...Disciples of Jesus, Part 2

A Father’s Conquest of Anger in Himself and in His Children

Ephesians 6:1-4

June 17, 2007

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