Imitating Ellsworth Kelly

First, Elisabeth observed Ellsworth Kelly's work.

Then she created her own.

Is this healthy?

Elisabeth has a recent fetish with healthy food. Before she puts (almost) anything in her mouth, she asks,

"Is this healthy?"

Thankfully the vast majority of the time, the answer is yes - so not only is she eating healthily, but she is learning to recognize a healthy diet. Her follow-on questions are more difficult:

"Why is it good for me?"

That question keeps me honest, and forces me to do some homework. (I recently learned that bell peppers are an excellent source of vitamin C.) Elisabeth is going to keep me healthy!

"I love you Daddy. You do good ponytails."

For almost my entire life as a father, I have been known by my daughter as the one who hurts her when putting in ponytails. In my opinion, I have dramatically improved over the span of her life. (I think I was really bad at it for the first year or so that she had enough hair to gather into pigtails, and then a ponytail.) However, I retained my distinction as the one who hurts her head.

So this morning I was shocked when Elisabeth came out of her room, climbed onto my lap on the couch and said,

"I love you Daddy. You do good ponytails."

That is a major milestone for me!

All smiles

Packed up and ready to go

We have two friends who have recently given birth to children with congenital heart defects. One child has hypoplastic left heart, and is about six months old, and the other has trisomy 18 (one of the effects of which is hypoplastic left heart). It has been hard and good to love and pray for these families as they love their children.

The second family, the Fahmers, know that their son's time is likely very short; only 5% of children with their son's condition live past their first birthday. They have started a blog about their experiences, which I hope will bring Light to parents of terminally ill children - and parents of healthy children.

Last night as Rebecca and I talked about these two hard situations, I thought of J.I. Packer's words in his introduction to A Quest for Godliness: The Puritan Vision of Christian Life:

"[T]he Puritans have taught me to see and feel the transitoriness of this life, to think of it, with all its richness, as essentially the gymnasium and dressing-room where we are prepared for heaven, and to regard readiness to die as the first step in learning to live . . . . [T]heir medicine and surgery were rudimentary; they had no aspirins, tranquillisers, sleeping tablets or anti-depressant pills, just as they had no social security or insurance; in a world in which more than half the adult population died young and more than half the children died in infancy, disease, distress, discomfort, pain and death were their constant companions. They would have been lost had they not kept their eyes on heaven and known themselves as pilgrims traveling home to the Celestial City. . . . Few of us, I think, live daily on the edge of eternity in the conscious way that the Puritans did, and we lose out as a result. For the extraordinary vivacity, even hilarity (yes, hilarity; you will find it in the sources), with which the Puritans lived stemmed directly, I believe from the unflinching, matter-of-fact realism with which they prepared themselves for death, so as always to be found, as it were packed up and ready to go. Reckoning with death brought appreciation of each day's continued life, and the knowledge that God would eventually decide, without consulting them, when their work on earth was done brought energy for the work itself while they were still being given time to get on with it. (pp 13-14 emphasis mine)

I think families like the Fahmers can be contemporary Puritans to us, helping us to live daily on the edge of eternity, "packed up and ready to go," whether we and our children are robust and healthy, or terminally ill. May God grant us grace to see His face and live with vivacity, hilarity and energy while He gives us breath.

Trip to the zoo

We enjoyed a visit to the birds (indoors) on a chilly winter day.

The subversive act of prayer

We are blessed in this season of life, with many wonderful friends. For the first time in our lives, several of those close friends are not Christians. As we frequently invite friends to join us in our home for meals, I'm forced to cross a new bridge: how/if to give thanks to Christ for food before we eat. In general, I explain our practice of praying before meals to our guests, and ask if they would permit me to pray before we eat. So far we haven't met with refusal, but it has opened my eyes to how subversive that action is.

In praying to God through Christ before we eat, we are speaking with the living God in front of people who don't know Him, who are by nature (as we were) enemies of God. We are bowing before the One to whom we owe our very existence, when our guests may not acknowledge His existence. Furthermore, if I was invited into the home of a friend who invoked another god before sharing a meal with us, I could not, in good conscience, participate. But that is exactly what I am doing in inviting our guests to pray with us: to participate in speaking to God in Christ.

If I am not mistaken, that 'small' action is potentially very threatening (in both good and bad ways) to our guests. We are calling them to acknowledge a Reality that they deny, by humbly pausing before Him. Regardless of their religion, prayer challenges the most basic assumptions of what is, and what is real. And that can be very threatening - in a way that causes people to clam up in fear, or in a way that opens the door to authentic, transparent communication about the Gospel.

I am finding that in crossing that culture gap, particularly with friends who have young children, it is wise and helpful to invite them to join us, to explain what I'm about to do (so it doesn't seem hokey-pokey, or ritualistic), and to pray - and silently pray that the Spirit would awaken them to the glory of Christ.

Don't do "__________"

Over the past several weeks, Elisabeth has developed a new mannerism. She now frequently tells us what she is not allowed to do, and in doing so demonstrates the proscribed behavior. It is not uncommon for her, without prompting, to say:

"We don't bang our forks on the table" (while shaking her head "no" and banging her fork on the table.

It is all that we can do as parents not to burst out laughing, because it almost never follows on us asking her not to do the particular behavior. It is as if she brainstorms all the actions that she knows she should not do, and then proceeds to tell us (always with demonstration) what would be inappropriate to do at that particular time.

I'm glad that she understands our expectations, and am ready for her to outgrow this mannerism.

Sketching

Elisabeth's artistic abilities have skyrocketed over the past three months or so. She's gone from mostly unintelligible scribbling to writing her own name, several other names, and several familiar words, and drawing pictures that can easily be recognized. This week at her museum class, they looked at Willem de Kooning's work. Elisabeth's sketch was decidedly more representational than de Kooning's.

It's good to be back where I belong

Yesterday we visited Uncle Gordon with Elisabeth's Granddaddy and Grandmummy (who were visiting for the weekend). At the end of a long day, as Rebecca was tucking Elisabeth into bed, Elisabeth looked up and said,

"It's good to be back where I belong."

It is hard to know whether she was speaking of home, or bed.

She doesn't like shots

Today Elisabeth went to the doctor for some immunizations. On the way to the doctor's office, Mommy explained that after their visit they would pick out a treat. Elisabeth quickly replied,

"Don't tell me that!"

Clearly she knew that treats were connected to the endurance of undesirable pricks in the doctor's office.

However, she kept up a brave face throughout the visit until the needles emerged. Then, crying after having received the first shot, she said through her tears:

"I'm crying because I didn't get to finish my painting in art today!"

Where does she come up with these?!

Flashback from pre-blogging days

On April 29, 2006 I wrote:

"I sat Elisabeth on my lap to talk about disobedience.
She said, 'May I have a chocolate after our conversation?'"

On April 5, I recorded:

"Carrying Elisabeth, I asked her to walk.
She replied, 'I don't want to walk.'
'Why?' I asked.
She answered, 'Sometimes I walk into things.'"

I love recalling and laughing over those days!

Poetic license

Tonight we covered the thirty-fourth question in the catechism:

What is not keeping God's law?
Not being or doing what God requires. Luke 10:31

We practiced it with Elisabeth by asking her, "What is not keeping God's law?"
She replied:

"Not being or doing what God acquires."

I tried to explain, "The word is requires, not acquires." To this she returned,

"But I like it better!"

I think that is where poetic license distorts meaning . . .

Seminary of Church and State

"A family is the seminary of Church and State. If children are not well principled at home, then everything miscarries! A error in the first mixture is not mended in the second! If youth are ill-bred in the family, then they will be ill-mannered in Church and society. It is in the home where making or marring of one's character first takes place, which early character is the early presage of their future lives (Proverbs 20:11)." [Thomas Manton, quoted in The Family Worship Book p109]

I find it hard to disagree. Therefore there little more important to Church or society than to equip and hold parents responsible for this high duty.

Coloring in the Met

Aidan, Molly and Elisabeth during Art Class

My Days . . . My Pictures

Elisabeth received a brilliant gift for Christmas called My Days . . . My Pictures. It is a small spiral-bound drawing pad that has a prompt for each day of the year, such as: Draw a picture of yourself. Not only is it fun because there is something new to do every day, but parents can see incremental progress over the course of weeks, months and the entire year. We have noticed changes just within the first eleven days of using it (a great witness to the power of practice!).

One of the prompts in the first week was Draw your Dad. Elisabeth has decided that all the people she draws need to have either a pony tail (on top in a bunch) or pig tails. So, notwithstanding the fact that I don't have long hair, Elisabeth announced:

"I'm drawing Daddy with pigtails!"

I expressed my consternation, and Elisabeth changed her course:

"I'm giving Daddy dreads!"

I hope that the pictures of me eleven months from now will be a closer approximation of my actual appearance.

How good were they?

Tonight we covered the thirty-first question in our catechism:

Were Adam and Eve good when God made them?

The catechism's answer is:

Yes, very good. All that God made was good. Genesis 1:31.

After reciting it several times, Rebecca asked Elisabeth, "Were Adam and Eve good when God made them?"

Elisabeth replied, "Yes."

Not securing the full answer, Mommy asked, "How good?"

"As good as us," Elisabeth replied.

2 years ago

Our 60+ degree weather sure is different from this snow storm
(Elisabeth at 2 years old looking out into Brooklyn)

Early lessons

"Let us look upon every brother who tries or vexes us as God's means of grace, God's instrument for our purification - an opportunity for our exercise of the humility Jesus our Life breathes within us." (Andrew Murray in Humility)

I tend to think of these kinds of insights as only for adults, but they are not. If we teach our children these lessons early, they will be less tried and vexed - and more happy and free. The great challenge of parenting, as I see it, is to communicate these things in language that 3 and 4 year olds can understand - and to manifest the reality in our own lives.

Come Ye Sinners

Recently we have begun including singing in our family worship time (despite the fact that I still can't play the guitar). Our CD player does a much better job than I could.

We started out using one of the songs from the Seeds of Praise album, Praise the Lord (from Psalm 148). I thought that this would be a good fit for Elisabeth as it is Scripture set to upbeat music. However, after about a week of Praise the Lord, she picked up one of my CDs, Indelible Grace, and asked if we could sing Come Ye Sinners, a great old hymn set to new music.

So for the last week or so, we have been singing Come Ye Sinners every night, while Elisabeth follows along the lyrics with her finger. That experience has made me even more grateful for rich hymns and the context that they give to explain and impress the truth of the Gospel. Each verse is an exposition of that great and glorious truth: "not the righteous, not the righteous; sinners Jesus came to call."

What better way to plant the great truths of the Gospel than through song?

Seven-oh-zero

For the past several days, Elisabeth has been getting up long before sunrise, and wanting the attention of her parents. She knows that seven o'clock is the time to wake up, and she has a digital clock in her room so that she doesn't have to ask us if it is time yet. So yesterday (clearly already awake), she triumphantly said,

"It is seven oh zero!"

Today was even better. She slept right past seven!

Sleeping troubles

After a wonderful season of going to bed at 7pm and rising at 7am, Elisabeth is waking in the night. Some of her memorable lines from the past two nights:

"There are tigers in my room."

"Can shadows bite?"

Skating

Last year Elisabeth was able to stand on skates on the ice without falling. This year she's skating forward!

Childhood is brief

"Childhood is brief, and without some guidance a child may miss what is quality reading and never discover the pleasure of a well-written book" (Gladys Hunt in Honey for a Child's Heart).

One of the consequences of the current ease of printing is that there are many children's books in print that are simply not worth reading. So when teachers say, "The most important thing you can do is read with your child," (like I did), that is only half of the story. If you go the library and take a book at random, it is likely that it is not good literature - if my public library is any measure. As Hunt says, "That's why book lists are helpful." Giving parents a book list provides a shortcut to books that will capture their imaginations and their hearts, and give them a hunger to devour really good children's literature. Once the cycle is begun, it tends not to need as much encouragement. If the first venture to the library is met by books that are less than captivating, then it is likely that the parent will pick up the remote control and turn on the television rather than traipsing out to the library again.

One such list is Jim Trelease's. Gladys Hunt also has a wonderful list in Honey for a Child's Heart.

Bad parents

"I cannot suppose that you are such a stranger in England as to be ignorant of the general complaint concerning the decay in the power of godliness, and especially of the great corruption of youth. Wherever you go, you will hear men crying out about how bad youth are. But indeed the source of the problem must be sought a little higher: it is bad parents that make bad children! We cannot blame children so much for their unruliness, for the greater weight of the blame lies in our own negligence in their education." (Thomas Manton, Epistle to the Reader of the Westminster Confessions of Faith and Larger and Shorter Catechisms, reprinted in The Family Worship Book p109)

It appears from Manton's comments (circa 1647), that the problem of parenting is not a new one, and that then, as now, society was slow to locate responsibility with parents for the education and formation of their children. So his statement is very bold: "it is bad parents that make bad children!" I dare say it is more bold now than then to make such a claim, but no less true. Further, I think that his approach is right not to point the finger at others, but to frame it as confession: "the greater blame lies in our own negligence in their education."

Nor did Manton stop with confession and wallowing in the bad condition of parenting. The Epistle was bound with the Westminster Confession and the Larger and Shorter Catechisms, because he was convinced that the application and use of these by parents was the remedy for their situation. I think we would do well to learn from him on all three levels: acknowledging the failure of parenting, confessing our sin, and repenting by taking hold of the resources provided for the instruction of our children.

The Family Worship Book

Before reading Family Driven Faith, I hadn't thought much about the difference between family devotions and family worship. Voddie Baucham primed the pump so that when someone offered to buy me a book for Christmas, I knew precisely what kind of book I wanted. Through some helpful reviews on Amazon, I found The Family Worship Book, which I am pleased to commend just as strongly as they did.

For those who are unconvinced of the importance not merely of Biblical instruction in the home, but of regular family worship, this book provides a helpful and brief overview of why Christians in generations past have considered it indispensable. The author, Terry Johnson, is quite forthright in tracing his heritage to the Westminster Confessions and Catechisms - and provides explanation for why he leans on them so heavily (which you will probably see popping up in my quotables in the days to come). I think his argument is compelling for those who are already sensitive to the issues (as I was), and I think would be very challenging to someone who has not considered the responsibilities of family worship.

Many books are good at casting vision without providing any practical resources for doing so, and I am pleased to say that such is not the case with The Family Worship Book. The author is diligent to outline what he sees as the important elements of family worship, and then offers a sample liturgy for how to conduct family worship. In addition, he includes:

• two catechisms, sans proof texts (including the Westminster Shorter Catechism)
• a great list of hymns and psalms (sadly without scores, although he recommends several CDs that have numerous of the psalms and hymns on them)
• a list of 50 important passages for memorization (including great OT texts)
• a family reading record that uses a harmonization approach for reading with young children
• a great selection of Scriptures for call to worship, and confession (reprinted, so you don't have to look them all up)
• the Apostles', Nicene, and Westminster creeds
• and a recommended pattern for introducing (and reviewing) psalms/hymns, memorization passages, and the creeds.

With a few bookmarks, this is a rich resource for beginning to practice family worship rather than just talking about its importance. I haven't yet found a better book to call and equip parents to lead their families in fellowship with Christ.

Core curriculum

Is it or is it not the case that every human being exists for the joy of eternal fellowship with God and must face the possibility of missing that mark, forfeiting that prize? If it is the case, it ought to be part of the core curriculum in every school. It will not do to say that the determination of character by the structure of the DNA molecule is a fact that any child must learn to understand, but that the determination of all proper human purposes for the glory of God is an opinion that anyone is free to accept or reject. The question of which is the real word simply cannot be permanently evaded. There can be no genuinely missionary encounter of the gospel with our culture unless we face these questions. (Lesslie Newbigin Foolishness to the Greeks p67)

I love reading Newbigin. He has the ability to make clear what our culture sees as murky - and helps me think though what is involved in raising children to see that DNA can describe a great many things, but cannot explain them by giving them purpose.

Ice Skating

Happy New Year!