Break, or Time out?

In our Sunday school class, we have been using a curriculum called Parenting is Heart Work. One of the many interesting recommendations that they make is to use a "break" instead of a "time out." They make this distinction: A time out is a punishment to be endured that has a set time frame; a break is an opportunity for a child to change his or her attitude and therefore does not have a set timeframe. A break, on their definition, functions like this:

A father tells his daughter to put on her shoes. She says, "No!" and stomps out of the room. The father addresses the situation by addressing the heart: "I see that you're upset. I think that you need to take a break to change your attitude. When you are ready, we need to have a conversation." Like a time out, the idea of a break is not for the child to go play games or watch TV. The break is in a place without those distractions where the child can think about her heart and her behavior. The child is responsible to stay in that place (or face further consequences) and then report back to the parent. If the child comes back still in a huff, she has to go back to the break until she can discard the attitude, admit she was wrong and ask forgiveness. Until the child comes to this point (changed attitude, admission of wrong and request of forgiveness) she doesn't get anything else. If she asks for something, the parent redirects the conversation to the problem at hand so that it can be resolved. Then the child understands that her attitude has broken the relationship; other things can't be had until the break is mended. What is at issue is not just the behavior that occurred, but the heart issue that precipitated it.

I really like the break concept in that it teaches children that discipline need not be punitive; rather it can be deeply restorative. Further, it shows them that behavior is just the tip of the iceberg. Finally, I like that it requires the child to be responsible for staying on the break, for thinking about her heart and actions, and for engaging in dialogue with the parent. I don't think that it is the "silver bullet" that makes parenting a breeze, but I do believe that it has a lot of merit.