Gospel discipline in practice

What makes gospel discipline different from the kind of wise discipline that a non-Christian parent would exercise?

I think that there are several key elements to wise discipline:

1. Clearly name the offense.
2. Secure admission of the offense.
3. Find out why the child committed the offense.
   
4. Ensure understanding of why a particular action is wrong.
5. Offer alternative holy actions.
6. Pray together: for grace for the parent to exercise wise discipline, and for the child to be enabled to submit and obey.

I have seen the first five done exceedingly well by wise parents who are not Christians. They get down at eye level with their child, speak in soft but firm tones, listen to the child's reasoning, explain why the offense is not acceptable, and offer an alternative response for next time. I have watched with admiration, and have learned much from watching parents who don't embrace Christ.

So why am I so passionate about Gospel discipline? If a parent does the first five steps, or some good variation of them, but omits prayer, there is the tacit assumption that their offense is not against God, and that it is within the power of the child to change himself or herself. It is also the tacit assumption that wise methods will lead to necessary moral improvement.

Both of these assumptions are antithetical to the Good News of Christ. The announcement of the Gospel of Christ entails the bad news that "no one does good, not even one" (Romans 3:12). Therefore we need two things: forgiveness (which is freely given, not purchased by repentance) and reformation of the heart (which mere behavior change cannot achieve). If any parent, Christian or not, leads a child through a discipline process that leaves the child with the impression that she or he is not in need of divine forgiveness, and divine power for a change of heart, the natural response of the child will be to put confidence in his or her ability to repent.

For this reason, every discipline encounter is an opportunity to present the Gospel to our children. We stand in desperate need; He is rich in mercy and abundant in power. Prayer in discipline is the inescapable outcome of the Gospel permeating our lives. With our children, we come before Christ's throne seeking forgiveness of sin and divine power without which we may reform the behavior but can never change the heart that manifested in this behavior.

Gospel discipline is in many respects like wise discipline, and yet at its root is entirely different. Its assumptions about human nature, the nature of sin are antithetical. This is what makes it so critical that our discipline be permeated by the Gospel, so that our children learn to rely on, and hope in God, and not in themselves.