Navigating the sandbox

Today in the playground sandbox, a little boy came up to Elisabeth and snatched a shovel out of her hand. She tried told on, but then let it go. So she picked up the bucket, which he promptly snatched and walked away. This is a not uncommon scenario in the park, and one of the reasons that I am profoundly convinced of the importance of active gospel parenting.

Elisabeth has just been wronged. Now she has to choose how to act. Does she withdraw? Does she yell at him? Does she take back the bucket and shovel? Does she appeal to his parent? Or does she appeal to me? I believe that the course that she takes will be dramatically influenced by what I teach her, both directly, and by example. It is my responsibility to impress the call of the gospel to do good to those who mistreat us, to forgive, and confront injustice.

I was really proud of how she handled the situation today. Usually in this scenario, she comes to me to ask me to intervene. My usual reply is, "What did you say to him? Did you use words? Did you ask for it back? Did you find a solution?" Steadily she has learned that I'm not going to resolve situations for her at the first try. I'm going to send her back to appropriately confront the offender. That's exactly what she did today . . . without coming to me first! The boy didn't really respond to her, and watching from the side, I wondered if he had a receptive processing delay, or perhaps was not an English speaker. Elisabeth (again!) did exactly what we had talked about. When the words didn't solve it (because he didn't seem to get it), she went on with life and found some other toys to play with. She had done all three: kindness, forgiveness, and respectful confrontation.

The little boy continued walking around the sandbox taking toys from other children and walking off with them as if they were his own. Elisabeth and her friend sat down with me to build a sand mountain. The shovel-hungry boy wandered over to play with us, and I was quite surprised to discover that he did speak English and had basic receptive and expressive abilities. When I spoke firmly about not throwing sand, not taking things from others and working with us to build the sand mountain, he complied with them all.

It only further convinced me that kids respond to active teaching. His nanny was actively teaching that she was going to sit on the side and not intervene (or yell idly), and consequently he was a pest to all the other kids in the sandbox, and friendless. When I was sitting eye to eye with him in the sandbox, he could obey and enjoy playing with other kids. Kids must be taught well to navigate the sandbox. It will lay the foundation for how they navigate school, and life beyond.