Talk to him

Elisabeth had a play date at the playground last week. While she was playing in the sandbox with her friend, another child came up and started breaking down their sand castle. Elisabeth turned to me and said, "He's breaking our castle!" Before I replied, her friend's nanny said to Elisabeth, "Talk to him."

Elisabeth turned to the boy and said, "Don't do that. I don't like it when you do that." The boy looked surprised to have been addressed so directly and stopped.

Several more times during our time in the sandbox there were small conflicts that arose: a child would take away a shovel, or attempt to fill in their hole, or throw sand. Each time the nanny said to Elisabeth and her friend, "Talk to them."

In those encounters I saw how prone I am to mediate rather than teaching Elisabeth to solve problems by directly addressing her peers. The simple directive, "Talk to him," pushed Elisabeth to become a problem-solver rather than a problem-reporter. There was the distinct possibility that telling the other child that she did not appreciate what he was doing would not deter the other child; yet it remains the FIRST appropriate recourse for a child.

What a simple lesson I needed to re-learn!