A soft tongue

"With patience a ruler may be persuaded,
and a soft tongue will break a bone." (Proverbs 25:15)

O what a joy it is to teach our children persuasion! I am convinced that persuasion is taught explicitly and implicitly, by instruction and by example. Actively teaching persuasion guards children from becoming manipulative, annoying or downtrodden by showing them how to press a case with reasonable and gentle argumentation. Perhaps most importantly in teaching persuasion, a child just learn to discern when to press, and when to let off - in order to make their case most compellingly.

How to explicitly teach persuasion
Any time a child makes a request (which with Elisabeth is dozens of times a day) is an opportunity to teach persuasion. Debriefing the request (briefly) and insisting upon proper form communicate clearly what the parent both desires, and expects:
1. State the request clearly.
2. Provide reason(s) for the request.
3. Use a respectful tone of voice.
4. Make the request at a proper time and for an appropriate time: (a) when you have complied with whatever was asked of you; (b) when the parent has time/ability to grant the request.
5. Don't repeat yourself.
6. Listen for the other person's reason for accepting or declining your request, so next time you know how to frame your persuasion.
For example, if Elisabeth asks to do painting while we are eating lunch, we could very quickly debrief like this. "Thank you, sweetie, for clearly and respectfully asking to paint without badgering me. Right now we're eating lunch, so when would be a good time to paint?" Through that little interchange, Elisabeth is clearly hearing what I expect so next time she can repeat all the parts she did well AND specify the time that she wants to paint. If Elisabeth doesn't speak respectfully, or makes a request while delaying in obedience (i.e. disobeying), I clearly tell her that I cannot grant her request and explain why: "You used a whiny voice," or "You didn't start putting the toys away when I asked you to." If parents and caregivers are consistent in requiring proper request, kids learn remarkably quickly the protocols of persuasion.

How to implicitly teach persuasion
Modeling this kind of persuasion with other adults and with children is just as important as teaching the elements of a persuasive request. On a daily basis Elisabeth observes my interactions with other people, and can see to what degree I practice what I preach - and she'll learn by experience that "With patience a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue breaks a bone."