Duties proportional to relief, not strength

The duties that God, in an ordinary way, requires at our hands are not proportioned to what strength we have in ourselves, but to what help and relief is laid up for us in Christ; and we are to address ourselves to the greatest performances with a settled persuasion that we have not ability for the least (John Owen Overcoming Sin and Temptation p154)

This is the kind of theology that must be taught from childhood. If a child understands early that what God requires from us is not proportionate to our strength, but to what is offered in Christ, then she will not try to do the duties in her own strength, but will learn to lean on Him for strength. How many children have been discouraged by Christian parents who never taught them this!

To teach our children this is to deny and refute the prevailing notions of our culture about self-esteem and self-confidence because we approach our greatest trials "with a settled persuasion that we have not ability for the least." Thus, we accept the Gospel as the starting place for parenting, rather than the prevailing (fickle) thought of our times.

[For the one who has read this far and says, "That's all well and good, but how do you communicate theology like this to a child?" your practical question is appropriate. I recite this truth to Elisabeth almost every time we have a discipline encounter because I strongly believe that this is the center of the Gospel, and why the Gospel defines how we ought to "do" parenting. After we have discussed the offense, she has admitted her fault, and we have talked about what to do differently next time, before we pray, I say it something like this, "Sweetie, neither of us can do what God tells us to do without His help. So now we're going to pray to ask for help for me to be a wise and loving Daddy, and for you to be an obedient and loving daughter." And then we do exactly that.]