Manners

In the past week or so, Elisabeth has begun to say please with her requests without being reminded. (And the parents rejoiced!) Several times each day I find myself saying to Elisabeth, "I am so happy to hear you say please without being reminded!" It truly brings me delight.

But what is that delight? Is it that she uses a particular English word? No. What pleases me is the heart that the word represents. When we present a petition using "please" in English, it signifies that we are appealing to someone without the presumption that we ought to have what is asked. It is a polite way of pleading; it is not groveling, nor commanding, but a respectful way of request.

Yet I have learned in the last two years of Elisabeth's language development that she can very readily use the right words with the wrong attitude. She can say "please" with a plaintive, grating tone, or she can apologize with out a hint of remorse. Manners are far more than saying the right words; but they are not less.

We require of Elisabeth both words and tone of voice. If she speaks politely but forgets the polite word, we ask her to use it (which is finally paying off!) and if she uses the right words, but in a whiny voice, we likewise require her to change her tone before she receives what she asks (which is steadily improving as she learns that right words with a whiny tone doesn't work).

Manners matter because they reflect the heart.