I forgive you
I feel passionately about the words, "I forgive you." Not surprisingly, one of the things I do frequently as a parent is to correct Elisabeth. When I do, I require her to say, "I'm sorry, Daddy, for _____," so that she connects her repentance with a particular action. Every time I respond, "I forgive you," (and I often make her look me in the eye when I say it).
Why do I care? The common replies, "It's OK," or "Don't worry about it," minimize the offense if they acknowledge it at all. "I forgive you" recognizes the offense, and puts it forever in the category of yielded to the merciful God. I want Elisabeth to know clearly that an offense has been committed, that we both know it, and that before God I have truly forgiven her. In so doing, she learns the reality of sin, and of forgiveness - and sees modeled (many times per day) the way that we live in the light.
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4 comments:
Do you treat some apologies different from others? If Elisabeth lies to you, she needs to apologize because what she did is wrong. If she accidentally knocks over a glass of water, she may apologize, but that is a different sort of apology - she is sorry for the inconvenience she has caused, rather than being sorry for a sinful action. Is "that's ok" or "don't worry about it" an acceptable response to that second kind of apology? Is it confusing or valuable for a child to distinguish between the two?
Great question.
I agree that they fall into different categories, and I think it is helpful to distinguish between the two. I think, "That's OK," or "Don't worry about it," would be appropriate responses to a spilled glass of water. However, I think, "I forgive you," can also be appropriate. I can many things that I have done with no evil intent that have caused pain or damage for which I need to ask genuine forgiveness - not because what I did was sinful, but because it harmed another.
What do you think?
Graham, have you read (or heard of) Miroslav Volf's new book, Free of Charge: Giving and Forgiving in a Culture Stripped of Grace? It is marvelous; his discussion of the relationship between giving and forgiveness, and our responsibility towards both as creatures of an infinitely giving and forgiving God is so basic, so clear, and so theologically rich, I'd love to know what you think. If you haven't read it, I'm sending it to you...
I haven't read it, but would love to.
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