Teaching Truthfulness

A friend just sent me an article on Learning to Lie, which presents fascinating research on the rate of lying in children, and the reasons they lie. Two of their observations especially impressed me:

1. Parents teach their kids to lie. The way we confront infractions can incite a child to lie. If we burst out, "Did you do that?" a child is inclined to self-protect by lying. But we can be even more outright in our incitements to lie, particularly in how they respond to receiving and undesirable gift.
   
2. Lying is a pattern that builds. The author puts it this way:

   Many parenting Websites and books advise parents to just let lies go—they’ll grow out of it. The truth, according to Talwar, is that kids grow into it. In studies where children are observed in their natural environment, a 4-year-old will lie once every two hours, while a 6-year-old will lie about once every hour and a half. Few kids are exceptions. (source, emphasis mine)

   New York magazine is telling parents the dangers of letting their children lie! Now if we jump on the bandwagon because "studies prove . . ." that kids grow into lying, then we've missed the point. Research is behind the curve in parenting advice. Teaching your children not to lie, and modeling integrity, have been wise in every age and every place.

After reading this article, I was all the more grateful that Elisabeth regularly comes to me (unsolicited) and says, "Daddy, I did _____ [that was forbidden]." O how I would rather have an honest child who repents than a seemingly flawless child who is a liar!