Good parents, bad parents

Recently I've realized just what a chasm there is between good parenting and bad parenting. Not too long ago we had some friends over for dinner who have a two-year old. When she disobeyed her parents, they were direct, clear, firm and soft in their tone. They quickly got on eye level with her. Not only did they unambiguously state that they expected her obedience, they also asked questions to get at the root of the disobedience. Was there confusion? Was there ambiguity? There would be no more because their expectations were clearly stated, and obedience was expected.

What made this incident so memorable to me is how rare it is. I was very impressed because it is so uncommon to see a parent be both emphatic and empathetic, soft in volume and firm in tone. I am accustomed to seeing parents make empty threats: "If you do that one more time . . ." or raising their voice to correct a child, or reprimanding when clarification was more appropriate.

I want to learn to be a good and wise parent, and I want to be the kind of parent that enables others to grow in that wisdom.